2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
