Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
