I just gift wrapped bread.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
