then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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