I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm too high and old for this...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
