how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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