why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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