just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
