are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize