I want to have your abortion
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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