You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
