I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
