I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
