How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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