you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
