Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
