They should really pass out barf bags in church
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
