I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
