You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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