i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
