How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
