I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize