You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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