I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
