Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
