We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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