Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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