Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
