i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
