This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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