Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
