Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize