you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
