mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
