So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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