you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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