We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
