I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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