WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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