She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
