your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
