Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
