I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
