so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
