I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
