you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
