cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
