So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
