Someone shit on the floor
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just blew my weed a kiss
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
