also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
