Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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