There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
