I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
