i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
