is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
