Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
