I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
