I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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