it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
