every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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