are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
