Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am naked and annoyed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
