I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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