she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
